FIC: Smallville - Miller's Pond

[fajrdrako_fic]

Title: Miller's Pond
Author: fajrdrako
Fandom: Smallville
Genre: Slash
Characters: Clark/Lex
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine, no claims, all property of Warner/DC.
Note: No spoilers. Originally posted at The Smallville Slash Archive.


Miller's Pond

Clark was sitting on the grass by Miller's Pond, cross-legged, the same way he used to when it was just him and Pete and the sunshine. Chloe was with them now, which seemed right: the three friends, hanging out on a May afternoon after school just like they did last year and the year before that, talking about anything. Since it was spring, Pete was going on about sex. He didn't wait till May to think about it any more, but spring fever gave him an extra excuse to talk about it. "So," he said, grinning at Chloe, "You still a virgin?"

In the past, he might not have been so direct. He and Clark talked to Chloe about everything, yes, but she was a girl. Still, in the three years she'd been in Smallville, they'd lost most of their inhibitions with each other. A few years ago, even last year, they had talked about sex in terms of speculation - what they might do, who they might do it with, and when. Chloe had talked about handsome older men in Metropolis, but had looked at Clark shyly while she talked. Clark knew she wasn't really thinking about Metropolis.

Things had changed since those days, a little. But only a little, thought Clark, as Chloe sighed dramatically. She was leaning back against the weathered boards of Miller's shack, her face tilted upwards, soaking up sunshine. She had kicked off her shoes and appeared totally relaxed. Clark remembered sitting with Chloe and Pete like this two years ago, talking about life, the universe, and everything. Chloe's hair had been longer in those days, tied back in a barette, and she looked like any other flat-chested girl in jeans. Now she looked like a grown-up, but she was still Chloe, like always. That took some getting used to.

She opened her eyes to look at Pete. "Not through any fault of my own." She glared pointedly at Clark. She could remember as well as he did that night at the Talon, when a mind-altering bug had made her crazy for him and he'd been the same. Pete had put red kryptonite in his pocket.

It had been hot and heavy between them and it was something that she'd wanted for a long time. He knew that. He thought of the dance on the day of the tornado, the way he'd almost kissed her, and the way she looked at him. That night at the Talon, Chloe must have thought he'd backed off because Lana came in and saw them. Always Lana, Chloe must think.

Chloe was wrong.

He couldn't explain to either Chloe or Lana, not properly. The Talon incident must have given them a low opinion of his character and his morals. The funny thing was, even so, Lana was still willing to be his friend and he was sure Chloe still loved him. She just thought he didn't care that much about her.

Which was true - that is, he did care, but only as a friend. The rest was hormones, and meteor rock, and, to be honest, frustration because back then he hadn't been having sex with Lex Luthor and desperately wanted to. He still thought Chloe was cute, and liked the way her breasts had felt under his hands. But even if his body wanted her, he knew she would only be hurt, and she'd been hurt enough by guys she liked who didn't feel any love for her at all.

Yeah, his body wanted her, but it wanted Lex Luthor more. She didn't deserve that.

So she looked at Clark and he knew the desire was still with her. He pretended he didn't notice. Pete knew about what had happened between them because he'd been the one who put the rock in Clark's shirt pocket. "I wasn't talking about you and Clark, I know what happened. I meant other guys. Sean Kelvin?"

She was outraged. "That creep! I wouldn't let him touch me."

"So what about Justin Gaines? Or Ian Randall?"

Chloe looked irritated. "Nobody went all the way, I assure you."

"Disappointing."

"Right. You can say that." Chloe rolled her eyes and looked at Clark, who still wasn't saying anything at all. "If we're going to have full disclosure here, why pick on me? I don't even have a sex life. Despite my best efforts."

Pete said, "I can't talk about what I do with Jackie, it wouldn't be fair."

"You told me it was Kelly," said Clark. He lay down on his back in the grass, eyes closed, feeling the sunlight on his eyelids. He could hear birds singing. He could smell the grass, and the faint hint of Chloe's perfume, a pleasant girl-scent.

"I thought it was Suzanne," said Chloe.

There was a pause. Pete said, "Hey, can I help it that I'm irresistible to women?"

"No one believes you did anything with any of them," said Chloe. As Clark opened his eyes, she was throwing a piece of straw at Pete. "I bet even Clark's done more than you have."

"Oh, yeah. Right. Clark."

Clark wasn't about to tell them about him and Lex, but he wasn't sure he liked being dismissed as if he couldn't have sex, or nobody'd want him.

"He's not saying a thing," Chloe pointed out. She nudged him with her bare foot. "'Fess up, Kent. Are you a virgin?"

"He's blushing," said Pete. "C'mon, Clark, tell us. Who was it? Lana?"

"Not a chance!" said Chloe.

"No." Clark was prepared to deny everything. He had too many secrets, all piled one on top of another like a tower of Babel. A house of cards. His whole life was a chamber of secrets. He certainly wasn't going to tell them that he was Lex Luthor's lover.

When he thought about sex all he could think of was Lex, and the thoughts were overwhelming: Lex's mouth on his cock, Lex's tongue in his ear, Lex fucking him deep for hours, or him doing Lex. Sometimes it was difficult just to keep from touching even when they mustn't. The need for secrecy made the intensity when they were alone all the more sweet, all the more explosive.

There was no part of his body Lex had not touched and devoured. Hard and long, sweet and slow, he and Lex had done everything they could think of and they were still thinking of new things. They did them in the privacy of Lex's bed, or in the Fortress of Solitude, or in the caves, or in Lex's car, or wherever they could find a moment together with no fear of discovery.

Clark had once seen Lex as his best friend, and it had been the same for Lex, too, who had known many lovers but no friends. Now it was different. Now what Lex meant to Clark was sweat and groans and the smell of sex; dirty talk that shocked him and thrilled him at the same time, and release like nothing he'd ever imagined. Lex was like nothing he'd ever known and he couldn't keep his hands off him.

Except in public. No one must know.

"Not Lana." Pete spoke with confidence. "You missed a chapter, Chlo'. He went on a date with Lana, and dumped her for Jessie."

"Jessie?" Chloe looked thoughtful, even angry. "That girl who disappeared?"

"Yeah, that's the one. Tall, mouthy - friend of Lana's for a while."

Chloe frowned as she stared at Clark. "I thought Kyla was the one you wanted."

"Kyla's dead," said Clark flatly. He didn't want to talk about either Jessie or Kyla. Yes, Jessie was the first person he'd fucked, when he'd been out of his mind. He'd used her and abused her. He'd been messed up by the red meteor rock, and had taken whatever he wanted from her. Not his fault, and the sex had been memorable. But even then, even out of his mind, he'd wanted Lex more than he wanted Jessie.

They hadn't been lovers yet. It might have started that night, when he almost went to Metropolis to live in the penthouse with Lex. Lex had noticed something was wrong, and though Lex had wanted him, Lex wanted him sane.

He wished he could find Jessie and apologize to her, but there was no way to find her, and anyway, how do you apologize to someone you've wronged when you can't tell them the truth?

He couldn't tell Lex the truth either, though physically he gave Lex everything he had to give. His parents, like Pete, knew about the alien thing, but not about the affair with Lex. He hoped they would never find out. The mental image of his father with a shotgun, going after Lex, gave him nightmares.

Secrets overlapped and interconnected, weaving around and through his life.

He had never got as far as sex with Kyla, though he'd wanted to. There had been no chance, and then she was dead. She'd known he was different, as she was. He wanted to tell her his story. He wanted to tell the whole world. He wanted to stand up and say: "I am not Clark Kent of Smallville, I'm Kal-El of Krypton." He couldn't do that, any more than he could say: "I'm Lex Luthor's boyfriend."

"Sorry about that, dude," said Pete. Chloe's face was looking unhappy and suspicious, probably jealous. Now she must think Clark had had two girls and rejected her. She probably thought he'd led her on. Maybe in a way he'd been leading her since they first met, thinking her crush on him would go away, being the friend he wanted her to want him to be.

It hadn't been so complicated when he and Pete were ten, hanging out at the pond in shorts, throwing scraps of bread at the ducks.

Sometimes Clark wished he could be ten again. He reminded himself that if he were ten, he couldn't have Lex, and that was worth everything.

"What do you think happened to Jessie, then?" asked Chloe, whose curiosity never stopped working. "Why'd she take off?"

"Nobody knows," said Pete.

"Maybe she got pregnant. Maybe she's having your baby, Clark."

Clark sat up, propping himself on his arms. Chloe had no idea how sordid it had been with Jessie. A few sharp moments of good sex, and then violence and fear.

He thought of what the Inquisitor headline would be: FUGITIVE TEENAGER BIRTHS ALIEN. Something like the story Roger Nixon hadn't lived to write.

"I used a rubber." He hated the lies. He hated lying to Lex, too, about who he was. He wanted the relationship to be honest. He thought about the feel of Lex's cool fingers on his cock, Lex's insinuating voice whispering suggestions, Lex's smile like sin and his lips like love.

His life had transformed so simply. He'd been talking to Lex the way he always did, there in Lex's office, and he'd made a joke, and Lex hadn't smiled. Instead Lex said "Clark! Kiss me," something between an invitation and a command.

Clark thought maybe he had used superspeed to cross the room. He had pressed his lips against Lex's and though there was nothing he wanted in the world as much as that kiss, he knew at once that it wasn't enough for either of them.

Thinking about Lex now made him hard and he shifted a little, trying to hide it. Too late, maybe: Chloe was observant, and she'd flushed a little. She was looking at her toes now instead of him.

He wished he knew his future. Was he going to have to give Lex up? Next year, this year, ten years from now? Lex couldn't live in Smallville forever. Lex was on the fast path to success and fortune: Clark was a high school student with responsibilities at home. Nothing Cassandra had said helped him to plan or imagine. . . .

"It was all so simple, once," said Chloe. She prodded Clark's leg with her foot, then pulled it away.

"Yeah." Pete smiled nostalgically. "Hey, Clark, remember that time we raced across Miller's Pond?"

"Yeah," said Clark. "You beat me."

"Swim champ of Smallville High," said Chloe. She smiled that smile that showed forgiveness and happy memories and, worst of all, renewed hope.

Clark understood. He knew all about yearning. He'd spent months which felt like years breaking his heart over Lana, praying daily to glimpse her through the telescope, hoping for the impossible, suffering agonies over her affection for Whitney Fordman.

Then he had felt a similar desire for Lex, something stronger, more complicated, more physical. It had been torture until he realized that Lex wanted him too. A twist of Lex's eyebrow could make Clark squirm. A quirk of his lip made Clark burn.

Yes, he knew about desire. He knew what Chloe was going through. He feared it might get worse before it got better, and he didn't know what to do about it. In a better world, he could tell her he loved Lex, but as it was he could no more tell her that than he could tell her he was from another planet. So all he could do was lie, and keep on lying.

He wondered when and how he had lost his innocence.

They were his two best friends. He looked up, and smiled at them. In the sunlight in May, by the pond, things were almost like they used to be.