FIC: Doctor Who and Torchwood: "Return"

[fajrdrako_fic]

Title: Return
Author: fajrdrako
Fandom/Characters: Doctor Who and Torchwood - Jack/Ten
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, no claims, all property of the BBC.
Notes: Written in answer to a 'first kiss' challenge from fandom_me, who asked that I write a Jack/Ten kiss. Set after "The Parting of the Ways" and first series Torchwood, so contains spoilers for all of that; the rest is speculation. Cross-posted to doctorslashjack, dwfiction, and my LJ.


Return

There he was, Jack Harkness, large as life and twice as beautiful, walking into the TARDIS as if he belonged there. Jack still had his TARDIS key, kept at goodness knows what cost for all this time.

The Doctor knew he had ruined Jack's life; broken his heart; left him to die alone. The Doctor was a master of words, but no words could cover that in any language the TARDIS had ever discovered. He did not dare say the words aching inside him: Forgive me.

He had never before known Jack to be at a loss for words, but Jack too was silent, staring at him with dark, unreadable eyes. For all his immortality, he looked older now, aged in spirit. Aged by pain. It twisted the Doctor's heart to see it.

Did Jack have any idea, could he have any idea, how infinitely he was loved?

The worst irony was that, if Jack had any inkling of it, the cruelty was compounded.

Unless Jack spoke, or unless the Doctor touched him, the Doctor had no way of knowing what Jack was thinking. He remembered how Jack had been on that trip to Kyoto, how happy he was, how open; so willing to speak his every thought, lascivious or otherwise. There had been so much laughter.

The laughter was now burned out of Jack. The Doctor wanted to say, "I know you suffered. It was my fault. I am doomed to destroy what I love." He couldn't say it because words were inadequate, and because it would smack of self-pity, hint at his own pain, and nothing could be more unfair. The Doctor's punishment - a portion of it - was to know that he did not deserve Jack's forgiveness or his pity and must not ask for either.

Equally impossible to make light of it, to joke, to carry on as if it never happened.

Were Jack's black eyes accusing him? Begging? Worst possibility of all - why had he even dared to think it? - was that all that pain had destroyed Jack's soul, that the Jack he had once known was gone forever, no longer a story-maker; incapable now of laughter and loving.

He'd rather Jack hated him. Indifference was another kind of death.

"Jack," he said, to break the silence.

Jack's mouth twisted so his face was half-dimpled. "Doctor."

The Doctor struggled to find something else to say, discarded all possibilities, and simply stared as Jack walked up to him and took his face in both hands, and kissed him hard on the mouth.

A wave of pleasure and love washed over him. Jack saw nothing to forgive, nothing to blame, nothing to question. Jack just saw the love.

The kiss lasted an eternity. Then Jack grinned. "Been waiting for that for a very long time."

"Welcome back," said the Doctor.